I love my nephew Zidane. He’s the cutest kid ever. For the past few weeks, Miwa and I have taken him to soccer practice to help my sister out since she gets off work late. We really enjoy taking him and have become his soccer team’s biggest fans! The players range from 1st to 2nd grades. Their coach is super nice and very encouraging.
However, there’s another coach on another soccer team who is the complete opposite of nice and encouraging. This other coach prefers to yell at his players (who are younger than my nephew’s team). Now I’m not sure if this other team is a problem-causing, troubling-making team or not. And from the looks of it, they don’t seem to be. But you’d never know that if you listened to their coach. It’s almost as if he’s waiting for them to mess up to berate them. “These kids never listen to me!” he complains.
I’m not a soccer coach although I have played tennis, basketball, and especially volleyball (with volleyball this is my 18th years). I have also coached volleyball at my former church as well as intramural teams while at Baylor. Believe me, I used to lose my cool and yell. But people once told me a long time ago that it’s all about having fun and that “we’re not professionals.”
As a Behavior Specialist, I am also reminded of the classroom management research that Harry Wong studied wherein he found that the thing that kids hated the most in the classroom was teachers who yelled.
Communications and child development experts have shared that when we yell, children don’t hear our messages, instead they comply out of fear because of the tone (volume) of our voices.
September 22nd, 2007 at 11:25 am
I’ve never understood why some coaches yell. I will not pretend to be a coach with any strong credentials, but standing on the sidelines and yelling has never felt “right”. Yet I see coaches trying to correct their player’s behavior by screaming at them. What if teaching was like this? How would parents stand for it? What makes it okay in sports?
If they cannot hear our instructions and only comply by tone I’m not surprised that they respond with questioning looks to the bench.
http://easterndesert.org/coachingvsteaching
September 25th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
That’s an excellent point. What if teaching was like coaching? Would parents stabd for it?
My take is that the reason why parents put up with this is that they think it’s making their kids “better athletes.” Many think that if you “push” the child that he/she will excel athletically.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
It’s been my experience (as a coach who doesn’t yell and as a referee) that this is a widespread issue, and has to do with placing winning above development, and control issues with coaches (and parents). I’ve found that coaches who are focused primarily on winning tend to be very invested in the game, and try to play the game for the players by yelling what they see and what they feel the players ought to do. I see many parents who do the same thing, yelling not just at their child but at other players on the team.
When one focuses instead on the development process, and makes it their priority to help the players to learn to see the field for themselves and to make their own decisions (in addition to teaching the technical aspects of the game), and gives responsibility to the players themselves, it’s much easier to calmly observe as a coach or parent.
BTW, I’ve coached for clubs where the Director of Coaching has told me that he wants me to yell at the kids during games, so this problem doesn’t just exist at the coaching or parenting level. His view was that it’s the coach’s job to tell the players what to do during the game (while my view is that we teach players the game during practice, and allow them to play the game for themselves during matches). BTW, I refuse to yell at the players, and avoid coaching for such clubs.
I have a U12 son who plays soccer, and I’m happy to say that he now plays for a club that has a policy that coaches are not allowed to yell during the game. My son is much happier playing soccer now.
September 27th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Todd: I appreciate you sharing your perspective as a coach. Excellent comment and very insightful for our readers. I especially like this part: “When one focuses instead on the development process, and makes it their priority to help the players to learn to see the field for themselves and to make their own decisions (in addition to teaching the technical aspects of the game), and gives responsibility to the players themselves, it’s much easier to calmly observe as a coach or parent.” Thanks again Todd.
November 15th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
I agree with the fact that yelling gets you nowhere. I must admit at one point yelling became the only form of communication between my children and I. It wasn’t until I went to a “Boys Town” parenting class that I realized yelling was only making the situation more difficult. Now I follow the tips I got from them and it sure does work better than yelling =)
November 17th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Cristina: I’m glad that you found the parenting classes at Boys Town helpful. I want to commend you to taking the initiative and courage to see what wasn’t working in communicating with your children and then to try something to see if it would work. The communication lines betwen you and your kids are now much clearer whereas before there was too much static (e.g., yelling). Thanks for stopping by and for sharing.