Beyond Behaviors

For of all sad words of tongue or pen
The saddest are these: It might have been!
-John Greenleaf Whittier

Back on August 11, 2003, I asked for feedback regarding what I should do with my life on a chat forum. Yup, I was that desperate. I had recently completed my Master’s in Counseling Psychology, but felt increasingly restless with my job and life at that time. I wrote that I was feeling “Blahhhh.” Blasé. Bored. I shared with strangers online that I was seeking Adventure, Excitement, and Something Different.

But deep down, I just needed affirmation that I was doing the “right” thing, that I was on the “right” track. And that’s exactly what I got back, things that I already knew deep down.

This New Year, as I look back to four years, four months, and 21 days ago, I want to reflect on “lessons learned.” My hope is that the lessons of hindsight will inspire and hopefully help someone else going through these crossroads in their lives right now.

When people ask me, “Why did you leave?” “What made you do it?” I always answer, I had to. I had to quench that thirst for more, for a “different” life because for so long, I was an armchair adventurer. That is, I vicariously lived through listening to other exciting people talk about their lives and what they had done.

I was always a cautious person. I try to calculate every move and every direction in life. The problem was that it wasn’t working because I was trying to calculate my way out of nowhere.

My psychology professor always says in regards to problems, “Everywhere you go, there you are.” If I had moved to a tropical island with the mindset that I had here in Dallas, my life and state of being would have remained basically status quo. And while the scenery would be different, the things that I carried with me would have been the same.

We hear people talk about wanting to achieve success, but I had something more like a fear of failure. My own definition is that I didn’t want to have a lifeless life, a life empty of excitement, of adventure, of something different. I didn’t want to look back on my death bed and wonder “what if” or have any regrets. Sadly, during the summer of 2003 and for a few years prior to that, my life was just that - lifeless. I went through the routines of life and, on the outside, I appeared just fine. But deep down, where no one else could see, I was yearning for more…much more.

I’m not an expert on how to make your life perfect because I’m not perfect. I fail a lot in life and, for me, the best lessons are those learned in hindsight. To this day, I still refer back to that post back on August 11, 2003 as a reminder to live my life to the fullest, to go after what I want, and to keep doing it eventhough I may not feel like it sometimes.

The words below aren’t some cheesy lines to sell books. They are my life statements. They are my mantra. And they’re a reminder of lessons learned in hindsight. Happy New Year. I wish each and everyone of you out there in the blogosphere, health, happiness, and belief that:

“You Will Because You Can.”
Follow Your Heart.
Believe in Yourself.
Transform Your Life.