Category — Happiness

Two months ago, I was invited to Whispering Palms to share about my experiences as part of the “boat people.”

Last weekend (Sun. May 20th), Miwa and I were invited to Herb and Elena Soll’s house to attend the Whispering Palms’ Vietnam After-the-Trip Party. We spent six wonderful hours together with new friends eating, laughing, watching slideshows and sharing stories.

The photos and slides were amazing, even the Vietnamese tour guide wearing that speedo (but it was more like a thong)! Thank you Heidi (Gabby & Cody’s mom) for sitting next to us to provide the stories to accompany the slideshows. And thank you to Janet M. & Dr. Tony Stearns for the slideshow and Joe for the videos.

We had so much fun hanging out with the kids after everyone left…the “Party after the party.”

Gabby, who was playfully spitting seeds on me.
Cody, who kept wanting to put his body inside the large cooler.
Min Joo, who ate soggy chips after the neighborhood boy sneezed on them.
Jessica, Herb and Elena’s daughter.
Cleo, whose dad works for the Hyatt.
Emma, the quiet one who’s already driving!

We were also glad to have gotten to know the others, like:
Clay, who loved the brownies (esp. the corner slices).
Amber, whose smile continues to brighten my day.
Hunter, I hope your scab heals soon.
Kai, who will soon be taller than his dad.

Thanks again for inviting us to join you all and a special thanks to Herb and Elena Soll for sharing some beautiful stories about Alaska, Africa, Peru, and the early days of Saipan.

Below are photos courtesy of Janet McCullough and Dr. Tony Stearns from their Vietnam trip.

Photo: Halong Bay Floating Village

Photo: Halong Bay

Photo: Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum in Hanoi

Photo: Hoi An

Photo: Whispering Palms group in front of a rubber plantation outside of Saigon

Photo: Saigon street scene

Photo: Thien Mu Pagoda in Hue

Photo: Whispering Palms students posing for a photo at Viet Hai village on Cat Ba Island

Photo: Halong Bay Sunset

Have you ever seen a friendly face and being so sure that it’s your friend Susie that you go up and start a lengthy conversation with this woman whom you think is your friend Susie?

Well, that’s what happened to me today at Joeten Supermarket in Susupe, Saipan. Miwa and I went there to get some tape to wrap her knuckles for our Mixed Martial Arts class. As we’re entering Joeten I see James’ wife, Deece. [James is our Koru Gym instructor]. So being the nice guy that I am, I proceeded to walk up to this woman, who’s not pregnant (again, I’m certain it’s Deece, who’s expecting a baby in 11 days) and called her by her name, “Hey Deece!” And I didn’t want to be rude and not remember Deece’s daughter, Katelyn Rebecca so I called the little girl Katelyn Rebecca.

Remember, I’m still 100% sure that this is Deece.

So I get this somewhat strange look, but I think to myself you know when I first met Angelo (another Saipan blogger) in person it was awkward too. And since me and Deece have only seen each other once before it’s only natural that she’s feeling weird around me because most of our interactions have been online on our blogs.

Ok, this isn’t even the worst part. Unfortunately for me, the nice lady (whom I think is a teacher at one of the 20 schools I cover and I am so terribly sorry I forgot your name and called you Deece) never corrected me because she didn’t know why I was being weird and she didn’t want to embarrass me. [Update: May 19, 2007 - Ok, I ran into the mystery woman today and apologized for mistaking her for Deece. Her name is Jennifer, a teacher at KHS. Jennifer is the daughter of Tilde Rosario who works at CGC.]

So I went on my merry way to get some sports drink, met up with Miwa, went through the checkout line and left Joeten.

“That was nice,” I told my wife, “seeing Deece.”

So we went to our MMA class, had a great training session, went to Blockbuster to ask Tyronne and Ando to hold some movies for us to be picked up later, went to eat dinner at Kinpachi, then went to get our movie DVDs from Blockbuster.

Again, I’m still clueless and have not realized that it was not Deece whom I was talking to.

So on the way home, Miwa mentioned to me how great I am at remembering people’s faces and names.

“Yup, I’m good,” I proclaimed proudly.

Actually my wife was questioning whether that was, in fact, Deece, because Deece is currently still pregnant, dark hair, and taller.

So as we’re talking…it FINALLY occurred to me (over 5 hours later)…oh my GOD…it wasn’t Deece!

And to make matters worst, I think I asked that woman when she was going to deliver!

As I’m typing this I can hear the sounds of laughter coming from my wife. In fact, she was laughing at me while she was in the bathroom. Apparently, making a complete fool out of myself is something I’ve become quite good at these days.

Deece Revilla (James’ wife), I am so sorry (although you had no idea that so much drama was going on) that I mistaked another woman (who was not pregnant) for you.

The other woman (whom I thought was Deece), I am REALLY, REALLY sorry and soooo EMBARRASSED. First, that I called you by another name and then asked you when you were going to deliver your baby. You were so polite and I kept talking and talking. I even called your kid by the wrong name!

Oh My God…and they call me a “Behavior Specialist?!” God help us all. Sorry, I have to stop here because Miwa and I can’t seem to stop laughing. Me at myself and she at me.

“Keeping up with the Joneses” is a desire to keep up socially and materially with your neighbors. Within the past decade or so, I have noticed an even more alarming trend, one that goes far beyond just “keeping up with the Joneses.” You see, no longer is it enough to simply “keep up.” It seems that in today’s microwave mentality, we have to have things, and we have to have them right now. Everything becomes a necessity. We no longer eat to live. We live to eat. We no longer shop to survive. We survive to shop. Or as I heard this on the radio back in Dallas - shop til you drop, then crawl!

We have, in fact, become a society of conspicuous consumption [spending lavishly on goods and services for the sole purpose of showing off] and consumerism [equating happiness with buying and consuming goods].

This madness is called AFFLUENZA, formed from the words affluence (wealth) and influenza (also known as the flu). Affluenza is defined as 1. The bloated, sluggish and unfulfilled feeling that results from efforts to keep up with the Joneses. 2. An epidemic of stress, overwork, waste and indebtedness caused by dogged pursuit of the American Dream. Affluenza is the term used to explain the problems that occur “when individuals are in pursuit of money, wealth, and material possession at the expense of other sources of self-esteem and contentment.”

Affluenza affects people across all age groups and socio-economic and cultural backgrounds. Contemporary affluenza researchers contend that if we do not begin to reject our culture’s incessant demands to work harder, spend more, and buy more, our society will begin to pay later with significant effects thrust upon our offspring. The emphasis on acquisition of material goods can result in the following:

• Inability to delay gratification or tolerate frustration
• Difficulty maintaining interest in anything requiring effort
• False sense of entitlement
• Expectation of material goods without responsibility
• Loss of future motivation
• Life activities don’t seem very real and nothing matters much
• Low self esteem, self worth, and loss of self confidence
• Approval dependent on possessions and status rather than on personal values
• Preoccupation with externals and habituation for more material goods
• Difficulty believing people like them for themselves rather than for possessions and status
• Inability to trust prevents true friendships
• Emotional energy becomes invested in material gains and sensitivity toward others declines

Source: http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/letter/2006/dec.pdf

Here are some interesting tidbits:

• Americans carry $1 trillion in personal debt, approximately $4,000 for every man, woman and child, not including real estate and mortgages. On average, Americans save only 4 percent of their income, in contrast to the Japanese, who save an average of 16 percent.

• Since 1950, Americans alone have used more resources than everyone who ever lived before them. Each American individual uses up 20 tons of basic raw materials annually. Americans throw away 7 million cars a year, 2 million plastic bottles an hour and enough aluminum cans annually to make six thousand DC-10 airplanes.

• Even though Americans comprise only five percent of the world’s population, in 1996 we used nearly a third of its resources and produced almost half of its hazardous waste. The average North American consumes five times as much as an average Mexican, 10 times as much as an average Chinese and 30 times as much as the average person in India.

• Children between the ages of 8 and 12 spend $19 billion dollars annually and teens’ annual consumption is reaching $95 billion dollars. The majority of these purchases are clothing, video games, and cd’s.

Check out the Affluenza self-assessment to see if you have it. Here are some sample questions:

• When I’m feeling blue, I like to go shopping and treat myself.
• I want a sports utility vehicle, although I rarely drive in conditions that warrant one.

Finally, here are tips on how to beat Affluenza:

• Before you buy, ask yourself: Do I need it? Do I want to dust (dry-clean or otherwise maintain) it? Could I borrow it from a friend, neighbor or family member? Is there anything I already own that I could substitute for it? Are the resources that went into it renewable, or non-renewable? How many hours will I have to work to pay for it? (Note: Before you do this, you may find it useful to figure your real hourly wage. Take your annual net income and subtract your work-related costs like clothing, transportation, child care, parking and lunches out.

• Avoid the mall. Go hiking or play ball with the kids instead.

• Figure out what public transportation can save you (time, money for gas and parking, peace of mind).

• Become an advertising critic. Don’t be sucked in by efforts to make you feel inadequate so you’ll buy more stuff you don’t need.

• Volunteer for a school or community group.

• Splurge consciously. A few luxuries can be delightful, and they don’t have to be expensive.

• Stay in — have a potluck, play a game, bake bread, write a letter, cuddle a loved one.

• Make a budget — know how much you are earning and spending. Each dollar represents precious time in your life that you worked. Are you spending money in ways that fulfill you?

• Pretend the Joneses are the thriftiest, least wasteful people on the block. Then try to keep up with them.

Here are some more tips on stopping the cycle of affluenza on children:

• Don’t substitute gifts for your time. Children of all ages value time; even a short time with parents is valued more than gifts.

• Show kids; don’t just tell them. It is important to be a role model, as kids are quick to pick up on their parents’ attitude about money. Discuss financial concepts even if the children seem too young to understand the finer points. By the time they reach junior high they can grasp practical ideas about money such as such as earning, budgeting, and spending.

• Help children distinguish between wants and needs. Have them write wish lists that prioritize what they want, making it clear that they will not get everything. Take advantage of special occasions for indulgences.

• Teach the connection between effort and reward. Encourage children to set goals and manage their resources to meet those goals. As they grow older, help them find ways to earn money and pay (at least in part) for their own stuff. When possessions are easily attained and replaced, they have little value.

• Let them make their own mistakes. Don’t step in quickly to rescue children when they encounter difficulty or frustration. Allow them to experience the consequences of their decisions, even if they’re negative. Children need to develop their own problem solving strategies to gain a sense of mastery. This does not mean letting them struggle; be sure the issue is attainable and appropriate for their age, be sympathetic, supportive, and offer suggestions to let them develop own resources.

• Base the amount of after-school time spent in structured experiences on each child’s personality. Some benefit from several activities, some from just a few. All kids need some down time to reflect, experiment and explore ideas.

“As children grow they need to develop a healthy self-esteem, sense of mastery, and to feel valued because of their unique qualities, not in terms of possessions and acquisitions.”

Source: http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/letter/2006/dec.pdf

This is one of my all-time favorite quotes. It was given to the graduating class at Stanford University in June 2005 by Apple’s CEO Steve Jobs. He was diagnosed with a rare form of pancreatic cancer in 2004. Luckily, it was eradicated through surgery and is now fine. Below is his commencement speech:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart…

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”