Beyond Behaviors

Examining Your Past

I spent eight years of my young life in a war-torn, Communist-controlled country. And though I’ve never been personally subjected to bombings or other atrocities, I was a victim of a totalitarian system. I have witnessed and been a participant in one of the largest mass exodus of people in history (i.e., “boat people”). As a student in Vietnam, I was required to wear a red handkerchief and participate in helping the community every Thursday. When a government official asks (or rather demands) something of you, you comply. Period.

So when people ask me how I came to America, I tell them:

“Communist governments don’t just let you leave the country. You have to escape.”

When I was 6 or 7 years old, I witnessed one of my neighbor’s house being ransacked by a Communist official. He was searching her home for anything suspicious (which meant that it was anything he considered a contraband). The look on this poor woman’s face said it all. What do you do when you can’t do anything? Her home, her life, and her privacy were all violated, and in broad daylight!

While plenty of people witnessed this incident, no one dared spoke up. I’m not sure if it was due to my innocence or defiance, but I didn’t keep quiet. In fact, I blurted out (in Vietnamese): “Hey that man is robbing her house! He’s taking her things!”

And wouldn’t you know it, that was not the right thing to say. Because almost as soon as those words came out of my little big mouth, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards his office. The more I struggled, the tighter he held on. My parents were called in to chat with him. Oh man, I can still see the paleness on mom’s face as she sat there politely pleading with the official to forgive me and to let me go.

Two factors saved me from getting into trouble (real trouble) that day. First, I was a child and I think that had something to do with people forgiving you for doing or saying things. Second, my dad was the city doctor so this official knew him and I think respected him.

That was the world I grew up in and those were events that left an imprint in my mind. But what does this have anything to do with Appreciating Your Life?

In my case, remembering that I came from a third world, Communist country (where I came from - life background), with no rights or freedom (what I went through - life experiences), the events that transpired (Vietnam War, Fall of Saigon, etc. - life events), and the people who have made sacrifices to get me to where I am today (life helpers) - remembering all these things helps me to appreciate my life.

Imagine if you’ve never experienced freedom or seen an escalator or walked through automatic sliding doors or eaten a corndog. That was me. The very first time I experienced each one of these things was so memorable. I remember jumping back when the automatic sliding doors opened! And I can still taste my first bite of a corndog.

5 Keys to Appreciating Your Life:

1. Check Your Life Background: Look at where you grew up and your life as a child. See how your childhood impacts your life now as an adult. Let go of the pain, anger, and hate and embrace the the fact that you are here now. If you experienced great and happy things hang on to them. If, on the other hand, your background was one of pain and trauma then try to see the exceptions to the rule, i.e., those times when there were some good and that life was a joy. It may be hard at first to see those times but try. In order to move forward, we must look backwards. What’s your background?

2. Look at Your Life Experiences: The things that you went through, the lessons that you learned and didn’t learn have all molded you into the person you are now. Life lessons are the best and most painful lessons. Nothing teaches us better than simply going through and messing up in life. Just as children will sometimes fall down and scrape their knees, it’s the getting up and dusting yourself off part that will show your true spirit. Your resilience in the face of (seemingly) insurmountable odds will determine your character and drive to make it on this earth. What were your life experiences?

3. Consider the Life Events: Certain events had to have happened for you to be here today. For many of us, it’s nothing short of a miracle that we’ve made it this far in our lives. Whether you’re 20, 40, or 60 years old, you’ve no doubt have relatives or friends who have experienced horrendous trauma or are no longer alive. If you are reading this, you survived! I think that we sometimes forget how miraculous life truly is. I mean think about it. How is it that you survived the car accident and the person in the other car didn’t? Why did my boat get rescued when other boats were lost at sea forever? Why was one house spared in a tornado when the house right next to it was completely destroyed? The older I get, the more I realize that sometimes there is no rhyme or reason why certain life events happen. These events are beyond my control and understanding so what I do is to accept that they do happen and to try to see that in the overall context of my life. What life events happened that shaped your life?

4. Remember Your Life Helpers: Almost all of us had someone in our past or our present who has helped us, whether we realized it or not. Sometimes that person is family. Sometimes it’s a friend. And other times it might be a complete stranger. For me, had my parents not gotten the courage to plan for and implement that escape in the spring of 1979, my life, my world would be completely different now. My parents sacrificed everything to give me, my sister, and brother a better life. I also had some good friends help me out when I didn’t have any money or a place to stay. “No man is an island unto himself.” Who’s helped you in your life? How did they do it?

5. Consciously Decide to Act Now (Begin a New Life Action): If your life background was terrible, and your life experiences something that still leave emotional scars, and the life events that occurred omens of bad fortune, and you had no life helpers, then perhaps this is the place and now is the time to make a very conscious choice to do something about that. You can change, starting right now. No more excuses. We can choose to hang on to the problems, the pain and hurt of the past and let those things ruin our life in the present or we can make a conscious mental effort to say, enough is enough (in Spanish they say “Basta!”). Just as George Badillo did (a person who was in the mental hospital 17 times during much of his adult life, but who then made a conscious decision to turn his life around), you too can decide to not let your past dictate your life in the here and now. Only you can decide to begin a new life action towards living a life that you’ll appreciate and you can do that right here, right now.

[External Link]: Tina at ThinkSimpleNow has a great article called, “Attitude of Gratitude: 5 Tools for Appreciation.” In it, she lists 5 tools to help you “focus on the people and things you are grateful for in life.” Check it out.